Unusual Observers of Lent

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Lent was last Wednesday.  I don’t really celebrate Lent, but I had hoped this year I might incorporate it’s practice of fasting and sacrifice of a luxury in favor of prayer and meditation.

This time last year, a handful of us were gathering for occult-related discussion on a regular basis. The host, formerly a practicing Catholic, brought up the importance of Lent and encouraged everyone to sacrifice a luxury (for him it was usually pizza!) for the month. I was excited by the challenge, but the room had fallen silent. Most of the participants had baggage from Christian upbringings I was fortunate enough to lack–for the most part–and sensing this, the host suggested they make an effort to sacrifice a specific chunk of time to dedicate improving tarot reading skills or something of that nature.

To my knowledge we didn’t revisit the topic (I wasn’t always able to make every get together) and I appear to have been going through a phase where I wasn’t writing anything down in my journal (dammit!).

Several blogs I follow made posts about how the author planned on observing the Holy days. I immediately thought of two things I could give up: watching television and eating fast food. Watching the boob tube is the primary means through which my partner and I spend time together. We have plenty of other activities we could do together during that time, and since I felt he had plenty of time during the day to keep up on his shows, avoiding television wouldn’t be an unrealistic motion. I would make a single exception every other week for family movie night, and as I understand it, exceptions to Lent may occur on the Sundays between Ash Wednesday and Easter. Someone feel free to correct me.

Fast food was an easy choice, in that it was easy to put down on paper. It’s always been a challenge to eat healthy, especially when I have so many choice fast food options near my day job.

That was last Wednesday. I swear I had good intentions.

Thursday morning, I walked in to learn a co-worker had moved his resignation date up over a week earlier, without advance notice. Another co-worker, put in his two-weeks shortly after learning this. Mentions of out-sourcing and panic spread.  Everyone was whispering and sweating. It was not a good day for anyone (except me, I was having a great day, complete with two-dozen roses appearing on my desk). A co-worker and I decided to escape the office at lunch time, favoring a beautiful science park around the corner to the tension in the office. We picked up cheeseburgers on our way to our budding destination.

Lunch was delicious. The company perfect. The atmosphere sunny and pleasant.

And then I remembered my vow.

Just before lunch, my partner called me to double-check with me on a major purchase he intended to make. A treadmill. I have wanted one for years and with his tax refund he found one he thought we be perfect for us and our space. However, I wanted to be able to jog while watching television. I’ve tried running outside and would love to be out in nature and all that, but I get bored. I can’t sustain the activity watching track house after track house slowly pass me by. If I lived in a more natural, historic, or otherwise interesting area, maybe I would.

So there goes my TV idea.

Since Thursday, I’ve done better avoiding fast food. Instead of giving up the television, I’m making that time better spent by hopping on the treadmill and moving instead of popping chips. I have made a point of spending 20 minutes every morning and every evening in meditation and prayer, continuing my offerings as well.  It’s probably the only reason I survived Thursday.

I know Lent is traditionally about sacrificing a luxury–like meat–for a specific period of time before returning to one’s life, but I don’t understand this practice. Maybe something like giving up coffee would have been more appropriate since I do not see that as having a negative effect on my life like fast food.  Hopefully someone can enlighten me.

My only issue with this experiment is the timing. With my mostly Pagan worldview, the period between Imbolc and Ostara/Vernal Equinox is much more appropriate, given Imbolc’s association with purification, the beginnings of Spring, and the focus on renewal.  It’s a similar six-week span that fits the model.

Any other non-Christians choosing to participate in Lent? I’m curious what your personal reasons are, or if it’s just due to habit?

 

New Year New You (5): Response to Maps

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When I saw the prompt for Maps, m initial thought was that I had no special places in my city I could visit for this.  Then my mind wandered to one of the homes my mom lived in when I was growing up that had been quite magickal to me, but being private property I obviously can’t just wander into them to read the signs!  Although that would certainly open myself up to some interesting experiences to say the least.

I had planned on visiting a piece of California’s breath-taking Coastal Range (forest + ocean = fucking gorgeous) for a couple days on our “date weekend” but finances being a bit on the weaker side of things we opted to use our extra cash on bills (I know, super lame, right?) and split a burger at Red Robin after seeing a movie in a theater (a rare treat paid for by the massive amount of gift cards we received for Xmas).  But for over a week, I had planned on taking some time to do this portion of the exercise in the beautiful location, in the woods, on the beach, listening to the ocean and gulls….  But no.  Thank you Saturn in Libra for turning me into a responsible bore.  I hate you.

As much as I need the ocean (yes, it is a need; yes, I go insane if I don’t get it often enough; yes, that’s really why I’m afraid of leaving California) there are places in my city where I could go that are special to me.  I’m a huge fan of our downtown area, even if many people think it’s just for bums to pitch their tents and panhandle (which isn’t true, but apparently if you live 5 miles north of there you’re probably too white bread to appreciate cultural diversity and 1920s-era architecture and too spoiled to figure out how one-way streets work).  We have lots of lovely, older parks.  I almost literally grew up at our zoo, and while it’s not as well-funded as it was in the 80s and early 90s, it still holds that sense of wonder to me.

So, I have options, it just took me a few weeks to see them.  In fact, I’ve been by or to a few of these places in the last several weeks and it just never clued in.  I don’t have an official response to this prompt, but it did change the way I think about places of personal power. Like my spa at night in the backyard with the moon wandering across the sky overhead without obstruction from buildings or trees.  That’s fucking magickal.

 

New Year New You (4): Response to Some Enchanted Evening

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The major point (for me) of this experiment is making a plan and using magick to fuel the flames, so to speak, and this prompt is about what I’ve been doing along those lines.  Well, I’ve kind of been lazy.  January was not a magically intense month for me, in that I didn’t set up much in the way of juju to work on my goals.  January was more of a “is-this-shit-really-what-I-want-to-spend-time-on?”  A test run of my goals, if you would.

That said, a few nights after the New Moon (last Wednesday, I think) I did some work involving Hekate.  It was simple, no-nonsense asking for her help in guiding me through darker places and giving light to opportunities within and outside myself (because sometimes, it’s what’s inside that holding you back).

Have I ever mentioned how much I love Hekate?

She didn’t waste anytime.  And she definitely took me out of my comfort zone for a couple of days.  The end of the week erupted in a flurry of activity.  Jobs were offered, several projects were completed, some brutal honesty happened, my partner and I fought mercilessly, and I never skipped my meditation and devotional practices.  Shit got done.   Things are calmer this week, with my needing a break and all, but balls are still rolling and I’m more inspired on how to tweak things to my advantage.

February, historically, is a profoundly magickal month for me.  I plan to be very busy with the enchanty bits.

New Year New You (3): Response to Relax, Don’t Do It

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Nevermind that this was a writing prompt from a month ago!  I’ve been keeping up, just not on the blogging front.  I’ve had…other…writing projects that have taken up m time for the last month.  Projects that I hope will get me closer to what I want to be doing with myself in a greater sense.

Deb’s prompt last month, “Relax, Don’t Do It” is probably more relevant to me today than it was last month.  Over the last couple months, I’ve been having anxiety attacks pretty consistently.  These grew steadily until last week when anxiety was a constant state of operation.  Of course I was not functional.  I had a date this past Saturday with a couple girlfriends to get mani/pedis, eat curry, and watch some silly Bollywood flick.  It was perfect.  I’m still feeling refreshed over five days later.  I’m more focused at work and more in tune with subtle forces.  I just feel better in my own skin.

It made me think that women are more attuned to making downtime.  The time that we bleed should be treated as a time of rest, reflection, healing, and looking toward the future (divination).  In modern society, we’re more able to hide our “condition” or suppress it altogether with certain birth control products (I’ve done this and don’t like it, it’s just very unnatural to me).  Since we can conceal it and medicate ourselves to ignore the symptoms, we can function as normal in our day-to-day lives.

To honor this time of my month, I’m going to start taking those days off from projects, chores, and social engagements.  I cannot take time off work, and if I don’t have a plate and fork to eat off of then I’ll have to wash a couple dishes; but for the most part, I’m not going to press myself to create instead favoring meditation over exertion.  I’ll take the time to review projects and see what is working, what isn’t, and make a new plan for the future.  I’ll get myself whatever pampering I can afford.  I will listen to my body and give it what it needs.

 

Watering the Earth

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Seneca, Medea 767 ff :
“[The witch Medea speaks of her power over the heavens:] At commandment of my voice Phoebus [the sun] has halted in mid-heaven, and the Hyades, moved by my incantations, totter to their fall.” [quote source]

Sunday we ventured into the foothills looking for vistas and walking paths.  The lack of rain in the area had left the grasses of lawns and hills alike brown and dying.  Absence of wind and moisture kept air pollution levels high, maintaining a local ban on wood-burning fires (if it wasn’t your only source of heat, that is).

Coming off a major highway, we found ourselves on a winding road that descended into Wonder Valley.   This is range cattle territory.  Signs littered the shoulder warning of cattle blocking the road, and sure enough we came across a dozen in the middle of a blind bend.  Despite the shoulder being straight up on one side and straight down on the other, half of the cattle scurried easily in either direction.  After some goading, another three dashed away from the road, those remaining held their ground, but at least gave enough room for the car to pass.

A couple minutes later, we found a creek, a couple outlets of standing water, and the first stretch of green grass I could remember.  A turnoff near the creek showed evidence that it was a popular for cigarettes and beer stop.  We walked along the wrong side of the creek and crossed it to get into the vacant pasture.  Once in the clearing, I turned my face up to the sky and gave three long whistles, as best I could.  I called for rain, something to wash away the dirty air, something to quench the thirst of the land.  I waited for a moment, listening for a response, but was called to join my companions.

 

We moved on over fallen leaves between the creek and the pasture.  Black spiders erupted from the leaves under our feet, fleeing the homes our steps had crushed.  We retreated from the leaves, mostly not wanting the creepy crawlies to think running up our pants was a good idea.  Pieces of bone were found scattered around.  We amused ourselves guessing what part of a cow each may have belonged to.  Looking back from where we came, we saw more bones scattered across the pasture that had gone unnoticed previously.  

 

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The farmer that presumably owned the unfenced pasture had spotted us from the road and approached us.  He wanted to make sure we weren’t hunting and felt it necessary to warn us of the dangers of range cattle (of which there were none in the area as he had them fenced in across the road).  Taking his visit as a cue to leave, we passed by the standing water we had previously ignored when we ventured into the pasture.  In one of the pools was a decaying cow, most of the flesh rotted away and it’s hide stretched across the hindquarters that were positioned above the water line.

 

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We left the cattle graveyard and headed back to the car to go home.  By evening, wind broke against the side of the house, rattling windows and whistling past.  I had been hoping for a more dramatic outcome, but over the next few days wind continued to move through the area cleansing the air of its pollutants, allowing residents to freely pollute again.

Last night I stood on my back patio feeling the sporadic drop of moisture.  I repeated the whistling and within moments moisture turned to sprinkles, sprinkles turned to rain.  I whistled again in thanks before retreating back into the house (no one likes soggy lamb slippers).  

 

New Year New You (2): Response to Goals

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I could have sworn I responded to this weeks ago.  The weeks between returning from the UK and the national New Year, I toiled over goals for the coming year.  I wasn’t so much concerned with setting things into motion on January 1, but a chapter in my life is closing and every cell in my body wants a clean break, hold the cliff-hangers.  Some things were already set in motion for the next stage of life, but being an anal retentive Libra with my moon in Virgo, I just *feel* better with lists.  I’m sure you understand.

First, I set off to rediscover the long list of goals I had set sometime into 2011 (I think it was April when I finally settled on and promptly forgot those).  They were broad and high-level.  At first glance I didn’t think I accomplished much of them, but after listing off some accomplishments I realized I hit most of them, but that I didn’t get close to what I envisioned accomplishing them meant.  For example, I wanted to develop my psychic skills.  Okay, fantastic!  But I didn’t write out what that meant, or how I intended to accomplish them, or what I would use to measure that development, realistically or unrealistically.

Armed with a better idea of how to construct goals, I did the exact same thing as last year!  Except, I wrote out some “how-to’s” to go with them.  At least, some ideas or suggestions in that regard.  From there I added some markers I expected to achieve to convince myself I’m on track with achieving my goals (like losing 5 pounds a month, or being able to “master” a particular yoga pose each month).

One big thing I noticed was that my high-level goals are fewer this year.  I split them into a few categories, and every goal could be stretched out between two or more of those categories.  That gave me the pleasure to know that my focus wasn’t too spread out, that everything was related and connected and able to pull each other along.

My theme for this year is to do more.  Get off the couch (except for obligatory cat lap time, such is the current state, you would be amazed at how many years I have been developing my writing-while-catted skills…we have a “system”) and move, get my nose out of books on theory and practice, get my head out of the clouds and do something practical.

So here’s what I’ll be working on for the next few weeks:

  • Getting in shape/Improve Body Image
    • Eat less processed foods, more foods as close to their whole state as possible.
    • Eat out less (once per week okay for date nights).
    • Always dress to impress. (working)
    • Go hiking at least once (done).
  • Improve yoga practice
    • Three sun salutations every morning. (working)
    • Pick one pose and work on it every day (January is Camel pose).
  • Garden more
    • Plant some beet and onion seeds.  (Both yellow, ironically.)
    • Dig hole to start compost pile.
  • Reduce clutter
    • Complete two commissions projects.
    • Host yard sale (done).
  • Explore artistic endeavors
    • Write a short story every week.
    • Color once a week.  Yes, I totally have princess coloring books and they demand to be colored.  The Inner Child demands sacrifice!
    • Orphic Hymn to Musaeus prior to engaging in artistic fun.
  • Improve romance
    • Reinstate date night once per week (family night every other week).
    • Do more non-tv stuff together, hiking, yoga, spiritual pursuits. (I asked my partner to start reading the Dresden Files to me.  It’s pretty awesome.)
    • Setup a “love” altar with hymn to Aphrodite.
  • Improve meditation practice
    • At least 10 minutes in the mornings.
    • At least 10 minutes while at the office (I  need the challenge and the stress relief).
  • Do more witchy stuff
    • Set up devotional altar at hearth (done).
    • Use a hymn to Hekate whenever, particularly around the New Moon (Greeks considered this to be the 1st of the month).
    • Host hands-on “classes” on an infrequent basis, possibly once per month.
    • Work through Strategic Sorcery course (kind of fell off it six months into the course last year).
    • Work through How to See Fairies with partner.
    • Use magick to work through other goals, duh.

I anticipate these goals and such to change as time passes.  Evolution is the name of the game, and everything will need to tweak gradually as life moves along.

Feeding the Dead

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I decided to take off a few hours early from my day job last Friday.  Many were already out of the office, getting a jump start on the holiday weekend.  I certainly didn’t want to be sitting at a desk all day.

I drove home midday.  While making a junction from one highway to another, I felt compelled to take an early exit to visit the cemeteries not far from my home.  I drove by the blocks and blocks of cemeteries, each devoted to a particular faith or nationality (usually both).  

I had spent a lot of time in those cemeteries as a child, urging the adults I was forced to be awake with to take me there in the middle of the night.  Of course, they always thought my suggestion was brilliant and spent the evening jumping out at me from behind towering cement angels and family tombstones.  I don’t know what my fascination was, but I always loved everything to do with the dead.  My mom always commented what a good traveler I was as a little girl, as long as we stopped at some small town plot where I could investigate the wonders of the tombstones.  I loved drawing cemeteries, ghosts, and craggy, leafless trees seemingly possessed by some evil spirits.  I was sent to the school psychologist in the second grade for my drawings.

As a teenager, I predictably settled into goth trends.  Most of the music popular to goths was music already ingrained on me from my mother (who was frequently called a witch by my elementary school peers for wearing all black, painting her nails black, and coloring the ends of her blonde hair purple…which I touched up every couple weeks for her).  All the things that were “cool” now to that subculture I was already living.  I grew up during the movement’s infancy.  They always talked about hanging out in cemeteries and writing shitty poetry, but they never really did.  They didn’t know those cemeteries like I did.  They didn’t watch the stones deteriorate or the trees become diseased and wither away.  I stopped going to my cemeteries when I was a teenager.  By that point, I had experienced many tragedies, lost many friends.  When I vacationed, I still always found a cemetery to visit.  This is a tradition I still maintain today.  But my cemeteries I only visited for funerals.

None of my family is actually buried here.  They are all in a neighboring farming community where my paternal grandmother was born and raised before relocating with my grandfather to the city.

A whisper told me to bring them bread and so I turned around and drove home to pick up my partner (who thought I said I wanted to feed the ducks at the cemetery).  We stopped for a couple loaves of french bread and made our way to our cemeteries.  I began to pull over when I mentioned the fact that my family wasn’t here and asked my partner if he minded the slightly longer trip out of town.  Always a good sport and with nothing better to do, he agreed.  Although we decided on a lunch date first so I wouldn’t eat all the bread.

First I found my favorite aunt who had died a few years ago due to complications from heart surgery (she wasn’t given good chances in the first place, but had decided her quality of life was shitty enough that the risk was worth it).  Beside her the only great-grandmother I remember.  Next to her was her husband who died 14 years before I was conceived.  Next to him were various cousins that I had never even heard of.  I shared little snippets of memories out loud. I’m not sure if my partner cared to hear them (he seemed a little bored or confused, maybe both) but it seemed more for them anyway.  We lingered a little while before I broke off hunks of bread and laid them on their headstones.  Even for the family I didn’t know.

On Christmas evening, I shared the details of my visit with my grandmother.  Her face lit up and she seemed so happy.  I even told her I brought them bread because “no one should go hungry on Christmas.”  Always open to my wacky ways, I could see tears welling up in her eyes, though they never spilled out on her cheeks.  It was surreal, I couldn’t imagine why I was telling her any of this.  I asked her about the cousins and asked for a little more information about how her family immigrated to America. She was overly modest in all her responses and we were eventually distracted by the call of dinner.

I miss my cemeteries.  I miss my awkward childhood rituals of respecting and honoring the dead (that totally NEVER involved stupid poetry).  I’m glad I listened to the call, but I wish I didn’t wait so long to respond.

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Petition to Saint Nicolas

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O Blessed Holy Nicolas of Bari!
God has glorified you with innumerable miracles,
having declared it is his will
that when we face difficult times
we are to trust in your protection.

O Wonder of Charity!
To all that come—families, the poor, the sick,
merchants, laborers, prisoners,
children, maidens in danger;
I humbly ask to receive your grace.
I hope, trusting in your worthy protecton,
that you will never deny grace to all who call on you,
so that, favored by your kindness,
we will once again sing the praises of our Lord
and the wonders of his saints.
Holy Nicolas!
do not abandon me.

 

(Photo and prayer credit here.)

New Year, New You (1): Response to Making Way

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I appear to be behind in posting, but better late than never.  I’m always giddy when my actions mirror the cycles of the moon, in this case making room by analyzing and removing material, mental, and emotional baggage.  Truthfully, these are chores that one can never really be free from.  It’s like the dishes (ew), there’s always something to be washed, dried, and put away.  It can’t be helped.  In being aware of these things at the very least, you give yourself the ability to take control of them.  

Cleaning and Decluttering

Since becoming aware of the “Minimalism” movement in May 2009, I have made a lot of progress with how I view and acquire my possessions.  You see, I like stuff.  I like pretty stuff.  I like stuff that smells good.  I like the feeling I get from buying stuff (even if I never use it or look at it again).  It’s a disease that come from having Venus dominant throughout my natal chart.  The new me doesn’t buy things that aren’t really necessary, that don’t add value to my life.  I’ve started to attempt to downsize my temple space into my significantly smaller office/crafting room, but that room has exploded with crap (it’s where I hide things to be “sorted” if company is coming over) and it looks a mess.  Plus, with my partner now engaging in practice with me the extra space in the larger room is nice.  

GASP! Listen to me making excuses!  We’ve used the temple room together once, giving preference to our bedroom as a working space.  How ridiculous am I?  

While my partner is helping us get caught up on all the cleaning bits, I’m trying to spend a few minutes every day getting rid of crap I don’t need and sorting through the stuff I want to keep.  Problem is, I have a ton of stuff, so my bit will be an ongoing adventure towards a clearer future.

The Time Juggling Act

Having done the full time employment (plus overtime) with full time undergraduate studies for 4.5 years, while having a healthy social life, making time for occult study, and maintaining a household, I have this time management shit down!

When I graduated, I thought I would want to fill the void school left with lots of activities and plans.  Funny thing is, I tried to do this and couldn’t stick with anything.  I have continued to eliminate activities from my schedule while maintaining things that still have value to me.  Now I get more quiet time at home that I’ve been desperately needing and a certain amount of spontaneity for last minute social plans.

Obligations and plans will always change.  What is quiet and relaxing now will be bustling and chaotic next month.  There is an ebb and flow and it’s maintaining a healthy perspective of what’s really important while you roll with the changes.

Lifting Boulders

I am my biggest obstacle.  In trying to start a new and very lucrative project, I find myself making excuses and setting myself up for failure the first week in.  I fall into old toxic patterns readily as the mood strikes me, and it does no one, especially me, any favors.  I’m still working on this whole growing up thing, and I may never master it, but it’s about fucking time I at least tried.  I’ll always have my neurosis, but at least now I can see it for what it is and ask someone to hold my hand when I need it.

***

My list of personal goals for the upcoming year is complete, for now.  Instead of being a static list, I recognize it will need to change and adapt with me throughout the year.  For now, it’s good and I am going to spend the next couple days working on an execution plan I can initiate during the New Moon this weekend.  I’ll also be organizing my junk a bit better, including preparing for a yard sale and donating whatever is left over.

New Year, New You

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Everyone likes to welcome in the New Year with some daunting task or two or three that is poorly thought out and nigh impossible to carry out or see through.  It’s a ridiculous exercise in self-sabotage.  And one I’m all to happy to lend myself to, sans the self-sabotage.

A couple years ago I made a very short list of high-level goals for the next five years.  This inspired me to create a set of more specific, but still high-level goals in early 2011.  I developed a general plan the first three months of the year and then promptly and successfully forgot all about it. 

So when I started to see all the press about New Year, New You in my blog feed I got undeservedly excited about some project I hadn’t even read about yet.  From the title, I already knew what was in store and what I had to do.

First I took a little meander into the past at my previous year’s list of random and unrelated goals.  On closer inspection and serious reflection, even having completely forgotten about my list I still managed to make some progress on almost all areas I wanted to see progress.

So my second step was to define the goals that still resonated with me, define what that goal really meant in plain English, and then further define “mini actions” or steps that I could accomplish that would bring me closer to achieving my goal.

Yes, yes, this is all a bit mundane and not very esoteric, but since one lends to the other and vice-versa (at least in my universe, but hopefully in yours, too) it seems more than relevant to me.  

Being a bit behind, it seems, I noticed that Deb’s first prompt was to clear out the clutter.  It’s logical, if there’s a bush in the way, you need to attack it with a knife before you can continue on the path.  Since I’ve been working on reducing clutter and living a more “minimalistic” lifestyle for the last two or three years, the wisdom here isn’t lost on me.  In fact, by chance, my partner is spending his time at home this week to give the house a good cleaning since it’s been an inordinate amount of time between regular chores.  I’ve been trying to get organized for a yard sale, but I haven’t been fully committed yet.  Now I have another good reason to get my ass in gear on this.

There’s a lot to do here, as I personally have a lot of unused stuff taking up space and energy.  It’s been an ongoing process for years, but I need to apply some more heat.  Being a very materialistic person is going to make this a very…difficult process for me.  Thank goodness I’ve cut back on bringing things in, at least.

As well as cleaning, my partner and I have prepared our goals for the upcoming year.  Over the remainder of the week, I plan on pairing up some items on our lists with moon phases and seasonal currents to get some bang for our buck.  Seeing as how I’m innately in tune with those cycles anyway, I will likely end up throwing out any “plan” when the time arrives and go with what the gut says is right.    Since I will likely forget that a plan even exists anyway, it’ll be a fun exercise trying to reach my back to pat myself if the “plan” and the “action” end up reconciling at the end of the year.  

Obviously I’m not waiting to change calendars to start this New Year, New You thing.  I’m a cardinal sign, waiting isn’t a strong virtue for me and I’ve never understood pegging some date far out in the distance when now is a perfectly acceptable alternative to never.

For now, I plan on posting major progress reports on Mondays, although as things move along I’m sure my activities will color the posts inbetween.